50 Shades of Grey (via kaley)
Next time you feel bad about your work, remember this shit got published
THIS CANNOT BE REAL!
…okay. 50 Shades is a massive multiyear troll. Yep.
"Have you ever seen a little girl run so fast she falls down? There’s an instant, a fraction of a second before the world catches hold of her again…
A moment when she’s outrun every doubt and fear she’s ever had about herself and she flies.
In that one moment, every little girl flies.” - Carol Danvers
Captain Marvel the Movie
I’ve never even conceived the awesomeness that I am now beholding! Yes please!
Rumor has it that Civil War might be peeking up its ugly head in MCU.
In self-defense (and because Civil War with like ten superheroes makes no sense), a brilliant person on TheMarySue came up with: “Avengers 3: The Disagreement”.
I… ran with it:
They all move into Avengers Tower and it’s all about how they learn to be roommates. And Pepper institutes weekly dorm meetings. Bruce brings snacks, Tony shoots popcorn at Cap the entire time and Natasha tries to pretend she doesn’t know any of them.
And then Pepper makes Sam run the meetings because of his experience and skills and then Tony shoots popcorn at Sam and Natasha “accidentally” pours an iced tea on Tony’s head. And Thor, who doesn’t live there full time but is visiting and is just there because Jane is, thinks the whole thing is bizarre but kind of funny and breaks out the Asgardian mead and Darcy gets really super drunk with Clint. And that’s when Rhodey comes in for a visit, bringing his new partner, Carol, and totally face palms. And meanwhile Jane and Bruce are just quietly talking science in the back.
Eventually Betsy Ross shows up and she totally drinks with Clint and Darcy.
And at some point, they form a Daddy Issues club and Betsy, Bruce, Tony, (maybe Natasha) all join up and somehow Sam ends up running this one too. And this is how they end up accidentally absorbing Loki into the group and he brings excellent donuts.
And then Steve finds Bucky and Natasha totally remembers that she used to know him and they form a two person Red Room Survivors club. And yeah Sam runs this one too.
And eventually Sam, Pepper and Darcy form a club for people who need support because they support the Avengers. It’s the only club that Jarvis is part of and he keeps it secret from Tony.
But wait. This is how it goes:
Thor brings the Asgardian mead. Darcy beelines for it and starts sipping on it. Clint waits for a break in the eternal Cap Stark bickering and joins her. After five minutes, Darcy and Clint turn it into a drinking game - for every Stark comment about Cap being old take one sip, for every sexual innuendo by Stark take two sips, for every Captain America Is Disappointed face take three sips. They get sloshed quickly and neither one can recall anything past Sam headdesking on the kitchen counter.
The next morning, Pepper is up first - she and Cap compete for first early riser status - and makes the coffee with her specially imported, ruinously expensive beans. And then Jarvis alerts her that Tony, who has been up all night with Falcon’s wings, is about to take a little test flight off the roof. So she dashes for it. In the most elegant, unhurried way possible.
Clint, still pretty drunk, eyes all squinty and hair pointing every which way, stumbles into the kitchen. He sees a wavering shape that appears to be a full coffee pot. With a cry of “my precious”, he lunges towards it and, tongue thankfully numb, gulps down most of the brew. As he finishes the last sip, coffee dripping down his chin, Pepper steps into the kitchen and drops her Stark Phone to the hardwood floor at the very sight of the interloper.
Jarvis calls Sam.
hades isn’t a badass. hades named his three-headed-guard-of-the-underworld-dog spot. hades whispers to his flowers to make them grow. hades grows fruit. there’s no sun in the underworld.
hades isn’t a badass. stop saying this false thing
hades does his fucking job and looks after the dead, which is more than most greek gods can say
Zeus does his fucking job. Which is apparently fucking everything that moves. Preferably not in human form.
Rogue doesn’t really love Remy. She doesn’t even like him. She just finds him a useful tool while she spies on the X-Men and gathers samples for Mr. Sinister, her one true love.
This is the most horrible thing I have heard all week. And I’ve had a shit week. No. NEVER. Do not deny the one X-Men love that makes sense.
Thor is the only one who knows that Natasha has picked up Mjolnir. They keep it between them, but his respect for her as a warrior nearly doubled thereafter.
I bet it didn’t. I bet he wasn’t surprised at all.